Tips for going to India

India. Injure. Endure. Mystical land of ashrams and complex religions. The largest democracy in the world that will, along with China, inherit the riches that the West now enjoys but will have no choice but to forsake.
However...they have a fucked up visa system and some other brobdingnagianly proportioned inadequacies that I might be able to help you overcome in order to smooth out your transit and increase your chances of getting some decent hooch and quality pork products when you come over.
Last I saw, they had changed their whole visa system but neglected to let anyone know. Make sure you don't go to the Indian High Commission in the Aldwych. The only places to get your visa (and at an inflated price at that) in London are at their outsourced centres, one in Victoria and one somewhere just west of Old street...ish. Their website theoretically allows you to make an appointment to go in with your passport/whatever and do the first interviewy thing. You will then have to go back two days later or more to collect. All this involves queuing and if you're coming over just before Xmas or Diwali and so is every last man jack with cheap microwave ovens (and the aforementioned hooch and porkiness) , it makes sense to apply for six month visa a bit earlier, especially as they are incredibly disorganised. You might even find they are closed so don't assume just because it's logical that it's going to happen that way.

If you're planning to take an internal flight when you get here, leave room in your check in bag for the booze that you buy in Heathrow (btw..Jet Airways are grrrrrrreat). When you get to Mumbai, and before you check in to your connection, put the booze into the check in bag. You're not allowed liquids (not even the 100ml on some internal carriers) in your hand luggage. The LHR duty free shop will tell you it's not possible to take it on an internal flight but they are talking what is called "a load of musty wank" this is a technical term that you are free to use on them. They'll understand. Anyway, the train is more fun and ridiculously cheap by our standards. http://www.zoomtra.com/indian-railways/ is useful. They also do flights.

For international flights, Jet allows for 28kgs each. That's about 7 kgs more than a 19 year old will lift before he says you might as well get a trolley (even if it is in a back pack). Internal allowances are about 20kgs but excess is negligible. I think I paid about a quid a kilo.